Before I tell you about a recent colonoscopy procedure I had done, I want to tell you about an idea I have for a story that I’d call “Modern Medicine.” There’s this guy (hmmm, this is starting to feel very autobiographical) who had blood in his stool a couple times. He’s pretty sure that he can control this little unpleasant feature of his bathroom life by altering his diet, but to be safe he visits his physician. After a gushy lubricated rectal exam, the physician says that the character’s self diagnosis is likely accurate, but that he—let’s call this guy “Larry”—should have some blood work done and also visit a gastrointestinal (G.I.) physician.
For some reason (and here’s where the fiction begins) Larry thinks his insurance will cover the procedure but it doesn’t. Or he’s between insurances (not a great explanation because if I were in this position I would not be going to the doctor for a “maybe”) and ultimately he receives a $400 dollar bill for the blood work, let’s say another $100 for the initial exam, another $200 for the specialist, and then conservatively, $2,000 for the colonoscopy. Possibly the story ends with Larry happy to receive a clean bill of health but somewhat put out that he is a couple thousand dollars poorer. There are of course alternative outcomes: perhaps Larry is one of the approximately 3% of patients who suffers heavy bleeding or within the smaller percentage of people who suffer a perforation and require immediate major surgery. This would illustrate my thinking that sometimes going to the doctor can send a perfectly healthy person spiraling down a steep hill where their snowball of wellness boulders into a mass of trouble. Although according to various internet sources there seem to be 1 in 3,000 or 1 in 30,000 people who die from a colonoscopy, this wouldn’t have probably served my story very well. An ending of death—plausible if not probable—would be seen by most as overly dramatic. Up next—possibly as a warning to keep you away from this blog—will be the story of my actual procedure.
My first one is at the end of the month, so I’ll be checking back to see how it went.
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